You Love Her
by myevilregal
Summary: 'All you can think about is Maura. You hate yourself.' Sad-ish oneshot. Rizzles.


**A/N: For some reason I just really wanted to write some sad Rizzles and I figured there's no better way to break my writing dry spell than a good old one-shot.**

_Disclaimer: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles or its characters._

She is perfect. You watch as she pours a glass of wine and hands it to you. She leads you over to her couch and you both sit down. She talks about her day and you slowly sip the wine, not enjoying the bitterness, but you don't complain. To complain would be to interrupt her and ruin how her eyes are alight with joy as she recalls facts from the day. You watch and soon she stops talking, flustered for rambling.

She's adorable. You tell her so and she blushes.

It's then that you decide you can't possibly live without her.

She is oblivious to your revelation as she goes to get another glass of wine. She offers you some more, but you decline, swirling the remnants of your drink around in your glass.

You decide to get brave and when she returns you smile and set your glass on the coffee table. You two are angled towards each other on the couch, your knees brushing occasionally. After she takes a drink she too sets her glass down.

She points out that you're being quiet and you just smile in return. You tell her you like when she talks. She blushes and begins to talk some more.

She's talking about a trip she took to Paris last summer and you find that you can't contain yourself anymore. You bring your left hand up and cup her cheek. She stops babbling mid-word and she glances down at her lap. She looks back up at you and then you know for sure. She feels it too.

You lean in, slowly, so she has time to stop you. She doesn't.

The kiss is slow and languid and soon you pull away. You rest your forehead against her's and you are both silent. You can see the small smile spreading across her mouth. You love her.

/\/\/\

You have tears in your eyes.

You hadn't meant to. It had just happened.

You look over and he's still asleep. The sheets are low enough that you can see his bare back. His face is turned away and you're glad. You don't think you could handle looking at him.

He had come over unexpectedly the night before. You didn't think it would go where it had, but it did. You sit up in the bed and wipe away tears. All you can think about is Maura.

He opens his eyes and stretches. You ask him to leave.

You tell him to never come back.

When you hear the door slam you begin to cry.

All you can think about is Maura.

/\/\/\

When you enter the morgue she looks up and instantly brightens.

You hate yourself.

She sets down an organ she had just pulled out of a body. The autopsy table separates you. She notices something's wrong and worry floods across her face. She asks if you're okay and you say no.

Her smile drops completely. She looks at her shoes and quietly asks if you regret kissing her the other night. You reassure her that no, you don't regret that one bit.

She smiles again but she can tell something is wrong. She asks what is bothering you and you soon find that you can't speak. You swallow but your mouth is dry. You start by saying how much she means to you. She blinks. She thinks you're going to tell her that nothing can happen between you two.

You continue speaking, telling her how she is your best friend. How you couldn't live without her. And then you say it. It's quiet but she hears it.

_I slept with Casey._

She doesn't know what to say. Your heart plummets as you watch her look down at her hands. She slowly peels off her gloves and neatly sets them on her instrument tray. She looks up at you and you can barely make out tears in her eyes. She nods slowly and says _okay_.

She's trying to be strong. She's trying to be your friend.

You hate yourself.

You tell her it didn't mean anything and that you regret it more than anything. There are tears in your eyes. She tells you she regrets it too. She doesn't look at you. She walks away and goes into her office.

You slowly follow her and stop in her doorway. She's sitting behind her desk. She starts organizing papers. After a few moments she looks up and gives you the fakest smile you've ever seen. It doesn't reach her watery eyes.

You hate yourself.

_Maura, I am so sorry._

She tells you that it's fine. She tells you that you shouldn't be apologizing, after all you two weren't exclusive. She's trying to act like everything's normal. She's trying to act like you didn't just rip out her heart. She goes back to her files.

You begin to apologize again and she cuts you off.

_Detective, I have some work that needs to be done. If you don't mind I'd really prefer some privacy at the moment._

You shudder at the _detective_ and by the time the sentence is over you're shaking. You take a shallow breath and you say _of course_.

You slowly back out and pull the door shut. You can hear her gasping for air just before the latch clicks.

You hate yourself.

/\/\/\

The next day when you see her she smiles. Her eyes are dead.

She doesn't bring it up and neither do you.

She acts as though all it never happened. The confession. The kiss. Nothing. She acts like she did last week.

Except her eyes. They betray her and tell you that she remembers. Her eyes tell you that they know what you did. You can barely make eye contact with her.

As you walk out of the precinct together you stop her before she gets in her car.

_Maur, I just wanted to tell you, I love you._

She gives you another small, fake smile and walks away.

She doesn't return the sentiment.

You cry on the way home.

/\/\/\

Days pass. Weeks pass. It's exactly a month since you told her you betrayed her. A month since Maura gave you a sincere smile. A month since her eyes were alive.

At the end of the day you go down to the morgue as usual and stop when you see a man in Maura's office. You stop and watch as she walks to him and smiles. You can't tell if it is a dead smile or an alive smile. She's gotten so good that it's becoming hard to tell when it's genuine.

He leans down and gives her a quick peck on the mouth before she links her arm with his. She laughs at something he says.

You feel jealousy and anger course through you. That could've been you.

They walk out of her office and she stops when she sees you standing there.

Her smile falls. It's a moment or two before she regains her composure and introduces you to the man.

His name is Robert. You hate him.

You ask if you can talk to her alone. She slowly complies and Robert excuses himself and heads upstairs, telling her that he'll be waiting in the lobby.

She leads you to her office and you shut the door.

She looks at you questioningly as you stand there staring at her. You don't have a reason for stopping her, but you couldn't let her just go and walk away with that man. You ring your hands and ask her if she's dating him.

She thinks a moment before stating that Robert is just an old friend.

You step close to her, invading her space. She looks you in the eye, but doesn't say anything.

You faces are only inches apart.

_I miss you, Maura._

She frowns and tells you that you've seen her all week.

_I miss how we used to be._

She looks away from you and tells you she doesn't know what you're talking about. You can already see the hives beginning to flush her neck.

You love her.

You take her face in your hands and kiss her.

After she registers what's happening she pulls away.

Your cheek stings. She slapped you.

You can't bring yourself to be hurt. You look at her. Her eyes are watery.

_You don't get to do that, Jane._

Her chest heaves with choppy breaths.

_You gave up your right to do that when you-_

_I love you._

She recoils as if you've smacked her. This time she knows you're not referring to a platonic love.

_If you loved me, you wouldn't have slept with Casey._

She stumbles over the words.

You swallow.

_Maur, I can't tell you how much I regret that. I regret it more than anything in the world. Just thinking about it makes me sick. I would give anything to take it back. Please forgive me. I want nothing more than for you to forgive me. I understand if you don't return my feelings, but I want you to know, I love you. I love you more than I've loved anyone else, Maura. I know I've probably ruined any chance I ever had with you, but I want you to know that I won't ever do anything like that again. Hell, I don't even look at anyone in that way other than you. I love you. You're beautiful and smart and sexy and I don't deserve to even have you as a friend._

You can tell you're being repetitive, but you don't care. You just want her to know how you feel.

She blinks away tears.

_I don't know what you want me to say, Jane._

You take her hands in your's.

_Tell me you love me too._

She shakes her head, _I don't know if I can._

_Just try, Maura. Just tell me if there's even a little bit of you that still loves me, because I won't stop fighting for you if there's any chance you'll love me again. I will fight for you for as long as it takes unless you tell me to stop._

You hold your breath waiting for her response. You watch as she tries to clear her mind. She looks down at the floor and then her gaze is on you. You can feel her eyes piercing into you with so much life that you almost faint. You haven't seen life in those eyes for so long and now they are filled to the brim with emotion. Whether it be hurt or love or anger, you're not sure. But they're alive nonetheless.

_Don't._

You almost cry out when she says the one word. She's denying you. She's telling you to stop fighting for her. But then she's stuttering.

_Don't. Don't stop._

You can hear yourself sucking in air.

Suddenly your face is in her hands and she's kissing you.

You can't get enough of her. Finally your hands find a home on her hips as you kiss her back.

After a minute she pulls away, and the room is filled with heavy breathing. She rests her forehead on your shoulder. She whispers something, but you hear it like a scream.

_Don't hurt me._

You wrap your arms around her and let out a shuddering breath.

_I won't. I promise you, I won't._

You sigh.

You love her.

You love her.

**Reviews are love!**


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